What my classmates using for merits

Most people show their merits with the social activities,like take participate in club,honor program,or volunteer to help society.
I think the statement should start with something attract attention.Show the special of this applicant.Write something unique relevant to the future goal of this person.

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2 Responses to “What my classmates using for merits”

  1.   salvarez Says:

    Evelyn, I’m leaving comments for your Essay 3 here.

    Evelyn, I can see some great work happening on this essay, and with some slight revisions, you’ll really be able to see some of your finest work this semester. First off, what you have in terms of analysis makes a lot of sense, and I like how you structured things with subtitles. I have a few suggestions, though, for you to consider as you approach the time to submit final changes for your portfolio.

    First, some great writing here. Some of your best. I like the media, and I like how you grounded the analysis from different sources in your own experience. The images you selected really gave a sense of your point of view.

    You develop of very strong voice, or authority, ethos really, toward the latter half of this essay. I think this is because you’ve been thinking a lot about going to school since you spend a lot of time studying and learning about what it means to go to college. It’s fun, enjoy it, and at the same time, enjoy writing about it. If you check back on your older posts from this semester, you’ll notice you’re writing’s improved.

    Remember: always USE PIE PARAGRAPHS–they really help, and they work great for writing in any discipline.

    For most students, the end of this essay, or conclusion was the strongest. I think you should write one more paragraph to this at the conclusion making a suggestion for future researchers who may study college utopias, things you think they could focus on for discovering something important.

    For Revisions
    -–Add to conclusion
    –Capitalize all the Important Words in Your Subtitles, just like in regular titles
    –Fix works cited: to Works Cited
    –Alphabetize Works Cited list
    –find MLA format for wikipedia articles, check Purdue OWL or google for “MLA format Wikipedia”
    –Fix punctuation in places where you write like the following:

    From the article ‘The economy of symbolic goods’,”the dominated perceive the dominant through the categories that therelation of domination has produced and which are thus identical to the interests of the dominant.”(Bourdieu)

    It should be “. . . interests of the dominant” (Bourdieu). Period after the citation.

    7.4 out of 8 points.

  2.   salvarez Says:


    Evelyn, great job, I like how you gave a quick summary of the educational history and your migration story, and tied this in to your current experience, and your motivation for achieving your goals.

    Be specific about the name of the schools you attended, and under what authority? Be specific? ABC School, under strict control of the federal government, for example. Also be specific about the city of the school.

    Be sure you also give a few examples of class titles and names of professors of courses at QC that you look forward to taking and studying with.

    I have a few suggestions to make for this, with the hopes that it would tie things together a bit more, maybe thematically, but also with ideas between paragraphs that relate to some of your goals. First, be specific about where in China you grew up, name of town or city/region.

    I like how you give the quick run-down not only on how you are a dedicated mother, but also how you work hard as an example for your children. I think you might mention how this will help you to identify with families and their accounts, and maybe how to communicate some of this information with folks who are migrants and who don’t know English so well or how the system works here. How will you use your skills to help folks who went through some of the stuff you went through? Think about how you can be a mentor not to just to your children but also to other folks who would look to you for your wisdom.

    Also make sure you highlight your bilingualism and how that will help you in your career.

    7.7 out of 8 possible points.

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